Puchuu Punching
by Missie2
Summary: Japan is being invaded by Puchuus. We are powerless against their terrifying cuteness. Our only hope is...Ritsu Sohma? (Prior knowledge of Excel Saga is desirable but not mandatory while reading this fic. And I threw in some shounen-ai just for a laugh.He
1. Default Chapter

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Puchuu Punching

This is utter madness. But I love Fruits Basket, and I love Excel Saga. For those of you who don't now, Puchuus are creatures from Mars that feature quite often in Excel Saga. They are horrifyingly cute, but when they are injured or dead their faces contort into extreme expressions of death as featured in the Golgo 13 anime. Their ultimate goal of the Puchuus is world domination, and their paralysing cuteness make this almost obstacle-free. The only thing that stands in their way are people not swayed by their cuteness. Or a monkey. Just one will do.

And doesn't Ritsu deserve to have a little fun? I even threw I a little shounen-ai just for the heck of it! I will write a serious fic soon. And just for the record, I do not condone in any way the abuse of animals. In fact, I'm a staunch vegetarian. Puchuus, however, are evil and must be stopped at all costs.

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It was a beautiful day. Well, it was warm despite the presence of a huge cloud that the weather forecast hadn't managed to detect, so it wasn't really beautiful. In fact, it was an abnormal day. Then again, this is Japan we're talking about, which is located in what is popularly known as the Pacific Ring of Fire, so unusual weather is what they're used to. So, by Japanese standards it was a regular day, but by most standards it was abnormal. And since this story is set in Japan, it was a regular day. Oh, hell with it.

It was Sunday. Kids had no school, grown ups had no work. The weather was acceptable to facilitate travel outdoors but I won't go into details. The thoughts and daydreams of many a young man were turned to romance, aided my the copious amounts of young women out and about. In particular, a lot of men's gazes were drawn to a particularly cute specimen with honey blonde hair and wide purple eyes who had the unfortunate habit of whispering to herself as she walked by. However, she was so cute, they didn't care.

In fact, this person wasn't actually a young woman. It was Ritsu Sohma, who was really a young man who chose to dress as a young woman for reasons we won't go into now. He was walking to the nearby pharmacy after being sent by Hatori Sohma. A guest at the Onsen had complained that she wanted coffee instead of tea, resulting in the concierge becoming hysterical. Ritsu had been asked to pick up some sort of sedative from the store, which was most likely a ruse to prevent Ritsu becoming hysterical as well. Hatori had made him memorize the prescription instead of writing it down. So he kept whispering the name of the drug to himself so he wouldn't forget it.

" Protosysenthionol, Protosysenthionol, Protosysenthionol…Oof!"

He accidentally bumped into a middle-aged man, whose own apology was immediately cut off by Ritsu's frenzy of regret.

"OhmyGodI'msosorryIwasn'tlookingwhereIwasgoingImusthavehurtyoubadlyIdon'tdeservetolive…"

And then he ran off, leaving the very confused man scratching his head.

" Wow, what a strange girl."

And then he smiled gormlessly.

" Aw, but she's so cute. Who cares?"

The man walked in the opposite direction, but was stopped in his tracks by a strange creature coming round a corner. It looked like a little teddy bear, with big fluffy ears, beady black eyes, and an innocent smile. It had a futon beater in one hand and the other behind it's back, and it appeared to be wearing a pink diaper. It saw the man, tilted its head to one side and spoke in a high-pitched little girl's voice.

" Puchuu," it chirruped.

The man was under its spell immediately. He smiled while floods of tears flowed like waterfalls down his cheeks. He ran towards the creature, arms outstretched while a backdrop of sparkly bubbles appeared behind him and tinkly piano music played.

" _IT'S….SO….CUUUUUTE!"_

The Puchuu pulled an AK-47 out from behind its back and shot the man down. Standing over its prize, the Puchuu spoke.

" Puchuu, puchuu, puchuu, puchuu." (The first casualty of war, but by no means the last.)

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Ritsu trotted down the sidewalk, berating himself for being so clumsy.

"How could I be so awkward? It's not like it's a small sidewalk! I probably made that guy late for work or something. I don't deserve to live… what was that medicine called?"

He screeched to a halt. He had forgotten what he was supposed to get in the pharmacy!

" Oh no! What am I gonna do? I can't go home and ask Hatori the name of the stuff! Mom's probably really sick right now because of me! I don't deserve to live! I should just lay down and die right…what the heck is that?"

A puchuu came stepping lightly down the road, interrupting his well thought out tirade of self-deprecation. It smiled at him and chirruped gently.

" Puchuu…"

Ritsu simpered back…

" Oh, it's so cute…"

… then punched it square in its adorably chubby little face!

" …**_BUT WHO THE HELL CARES!?!"_**

The surprisingly forceful punch killed the puchuu instantly, but not before its face contorted from a pretty teddy bear's to that of a heavily bleeding, heavily eyebrowed yakuza thug's. Ritsu glanced at the mangled corpse, and at his fist that had done so much damage.

" Well, that was strange. I just couldn't resist punching it… Protosysenthionol! That's what I need!"

He instantly forgot about the dead puchuu and dashed to the pharmacy.

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The unusual cloud that wasn't really all that unusual mentioned in the first paragraph was, in fact, a spaceship, containing thousands of puchuus eager to take over the earth. World domination had been a goal of the Puchuu race for as long as they had lived on Mars (approximately a thousand years). However, they had called off their invasions several times due to circumstances that were both extenuating and highly embarrassing. At last, they had found the perfect time to invade. The puchuu leader, a grey bearded teddy bear with much more dignity than his men (that's not saying much) spoke gravely to his troops.

" Puchuu puchuu, puchuu puchuu puchuu puchuu." ( We go, perhaps to our deaths.)

" _Puchuu!!" _shouted the troops in unison. ( Hooray!!)

" Puchuu puchuu, puchuu puchuu puchuu puchuu?" ( Who amongst you, who will give their lives to our glorious cause?)

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" Puchuu!" (We will!)

" Puchuu puchuu puchuu. Puchuu puchuu!" (What fine men you are. Have some medals!)

The puchuu leader threw a handle of bottle caps at his men, who scooped them up eagerly. Then the grey bearded one lifted his futon beater into the air and issued a command.

" Puchuu, puchuu!" (Now, dance!)

The puchuus did their little war dance, which bore an uncanny resemblance to the Macarena. The ship dropped towards the ground. The invasion had begun.

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Ritsu was very confused. According to the pharmacist, there was no such thing as Protosysenthionol! Why would Hatori have given him false information?

" No, that can't be it!" he said sternly to himself, " Hatori would never give me a fake name! I must have gotten it wrong, I'm so _stupid! _How could I get it wrong? I should just die right now and… what the?"

A puchuu was standing right in front of him. It smiled at him, and fondled its gun behind its back. Ritsu smiled back.

" Aw, this one's cute too!"

And then he punched it so hard that the puchuu flew a thousand miles into the atmosphere. Ritsu stared off in the direction it had flown. He was still standing there when Hatori came running around the corner. The doctor was out of breath, and he grabbed Ritsu's arm and pulled him away.

" Oh, Hatori! I'm really sorry, but the pharmacist has never even heard of…"

" Never mind that now, Ritsu! I've been looking for you everywhere. There's a blanket alert on the surrounding area, there's some sort of invasion going on! All civilians have been ordered to stay indoors."

" But what about…"

" Shigure's place is closest to us. We're going straight there."

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I'll write Chapter two soon.


	2. Chapter 2

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Puchuu Punching

Chapter Two

Okay, so this chapter is late. Sue me, I have a job. Just a note, should I include in this fic a cameo by a very popular Excel character, who is in real life an anime director? Excel fans know exactly who I mean, and remember he has a thing for guys dressed as girls. Altogether now: _TETCHAN!!!_

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Hatori took long strides towards Shigure's house, dragging Ritsu behind him. Ritsu was still trying to explain why he hadn't gotten the potentially nonexistent Protosysenthionol and apologising for his failure. Hatori had in fact made up the drug to get rid of Ritsu while he treated his mother for stress, but he decided against telling his overly humble cousin at this moment. They reached the house in no time, and the doctor rapped sharply on the door. A thin, nervous voice sounded from inside the hall.

" Who ees it?"

" It's me, Shigure."

" Shee goor eh? Der is no Shee goor eh here. You haf wrong howse. Go ayway."

Hatori banged the door loudly.

" Shigure, stop joking around and let us in! I found Ritsu wandering outside, we need to be indoors."

Ritsu was surprised at the tension in Hatori's voice. What was he so nervous about…? There was a light clacking inside the house, as though someone were unlocking a lot of bolts. Shigure's head peeped out briefly, and then he opened the door fully to allow his cousins to enter. He appeared to be wearing baseball body armour over his kimono and a cast-iron pot on his head. Hatori snorted at his appearance.

" You know, it's probably a hoax. Don't you think you're overreacting a bit?"

Ritsu was very confused, but not because of Shigure's strange appearance. For some reason, he _really _wanted to be outside. It was like there was an intoxicating smell or some enchanting music in the air that he was finding hard to resist. If Hatori didn't still have him by the arm, he would have ran outside.

In the sitting room, Tohru Honda, Kyo, Yuki, Momiji and Hatsuharu were gathered around the television, watching the news report. The news presenter looked, quite frankly, terrified. Hatori and Ritsu took seats at the table. Just as he was about to sit, Ritsu accidentally knocked Momiji's head with his knee. The group braced themselves for a fit of hysterics…

… but none came!

In fact, Ritsu seemed oddly distracted. His eyes were darting back and forth, and his head moved in a twitching motion. He was wired to the fing moon. The TV presenter suddenly burst into tears, calling everyone's attention (except Ritsu's) back to the TV.

Oh, God… I wanna go home…. These aliens have one goal and one goal only, to take over our beautiful blue planet!…. Residents must stay inside and lock all their doors until further notice…. Once again, aliens have invaded our homeland of Earth!

" Aliens? What the hell… there's no such thing!" Kyo snarled.

" Why would they issue a blanket alert for something that doesn't exist, you stupid cat?" sighed Yuki.

" Hey, everyone's paranoid these days… it could be anything!" hissed the cat back at Yuki.

" Are they gonna burst out of our stomach and eat us?" piped up Momiji, a bit too cheerfully.

" Maybe, maybe not," groaned Hatsuharu, stretching his legs.

" Oh my! That would be horrible!" cried Tohru, stating the bleedin' obvious.

Ritsu's hands were shaking, and playing with his hair. He kept looking out the window and growling softly under his breath. Hatori grabbed his arm just as he was about to open the window.

" Ritsu, stay still for God's sake," he grumbled. Ritsu scowled at him, which shocked the doctor so much he almost fell out of his seat.

" Hey, they're about to show pictures of the invaders!" called Tohru, pointing at the television.

" Good, let's see these conquering sons-of-bitches in all their ugly glory!" said Shigure dramatically. There was a strange, high-pitched noise sounding from the television.

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Puchuu…Puchuu…Puchuu…

The sound was like nails on a blackboard for Ritsu, who clutched his ears. The others gathered closely around the TV, the sound was like a dog whistle to them. Thousands of adorable little teddy bears were walking along a deserted highway, chanting in their little girl voices as they went.

" Oh my God…" whispered Yuki.

" They're so…" said Kyo.

" CUTE!" squealed Shigure. That was the signal for the entire group, even Hatori, to cuddle the TV. Inside, they were horrified at the prospect of an invasion, but the sight of the Puchuus was too much for their feeble minds and bodies to resist.

The spell was broken when Ritsu, very suddenly and dramatically, leapt over the table and punched the TV. It didn't break, but it did fall over and switch off. Everyone looked surprised to find themselves hugging the television, and Shigure recovered the fastest.

" Ritsu, why did you break my TV?" he sighed, irritably.

Ritsu didn't seem to be listening. He was clutching one ear and looking around the room for something. Then there was a soft hissing noise, followed by the unmistakable sound of…

" _Puchuu…"_

There was a lone Puchuu, standing on an open windowsill. To them he was a delightful little plushie, but on his own planet he was known as 'Puchuuch,' or 'The Killer Fist.' Said fist was clutching an M-16, ready to do some damage. Everyone was terrified, and then overwhelmed by Killer Fist's extreme charm. Shigure was the first to rush towards it with open arms…

… only to be beaten to it by Ritsu, who punched Killer Fist so hard he flew out of the stratosphere! Ritsu stared after it, tracking its flight and cheering lightly when the alien finally landed.

" Wow, it went right into the sun! That'll show the little bas…"

He stopped congratulating himself when another sound caught his ears. His nose twitched slightly. Shigure came up behind him, clearly in shock as to what had happened.

" Ritsu… you punched it…"

A high-pitched scream, followed by a muffled 'Puchuu' was what Ritsu heard. Words were lost to him as his pupils dilated and his mind went into punching frenzy mode. What came out of his mouth was a jumble of mixed up random words.

" Must… sun…kill…cute…kill…punch…monkey…gotta go!"

He ran out of the house as though he were being pulled out by an invisible rope.

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	3. Chapter 3

**__**

Puchuu Punching

Chapter Three

After much careful deliberation, I do believe I will have to put in some more Excel cameos. The obvious one being the director, but how would the readers react if Ritsu became a fully fledged member of ACROSS, along with Excel and Hyatt? God knows they need the staff, and Ritsu would probably be much more efficient than those two goof-offs. Feedback please!

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" Ritsu, get back here!"

Hatori couldn't believe what he was saying. His cousin was acting strange, but then he always acted strange. But this… running around like a lunatic in the middle of an alien invasion? What the hell was going on?

" Did he really just punch that thing, or have I had too much sake?" asked Shigure, scratching his head.

" He did… I saw it with my own eyes…" whispered Kyo.

" Is this some extension of the Sohma curse, or something?" asked Yuki.

" Or maybe…" Shigure sounded like he was going to say something, but instead just ran into the next room.

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" NO! I'm too young and beautiful to die!" screamed Ayame Sohma, as he cowered on the pavement in front of the advancing Puchuu. The Puchuu pointed his gun and chirped.

" Puchuu," ( Say your prayers, vile human!)

Poor Ayame… when he'd heard about the invasion, he figured it would be a great opportunity to work on a design for a cute little maid's uniform he saw in a manga once. (by CLAMP, of course!) then he realised he was out of velour, so he decided to nip to the haberdashery's real quick and pick up some. No little alien invasion was going to keep him from making gorgeous clothes!

" Why do the good ones die so young…" he sobbed, as the Puchuu squeezed the trigger…

THWAP!!!

The Puchuu's face suddenly contorted into a Vinnie Jones look-alike as he was punched from behind. And then, a left uppercut to the chin launched it into space, where it hit the Puchuu mothership and blew it to smithereens. Ritsu cackled maniacally when he saw the tiny little sparkle in the sky that spoke of the crippling of the Puchuus main forces.

" Ha ha punched it ha ha went flying ha ha ha…"

He barely noticed someone glomping him from behind. Tears flowed like waterfalls down Ayame's face while flowery words of thanks flowed from his mouth.

" Ritsu! You saved me! How can I ever repay you…"

Ayame had to break off there when he dissolved into tears. Ritsu's eyes darted from side to side, unconsciously looking for more Puchuus to punch. The rational, human side of his brain had almost completely shut down, and what was left was a hodgepodge of animal instinct and virulent punching urges.

Seeing the Puchuu mothership explode just made him want to punch some more. But he didn't get the chance. Hatori caught up with him and held him in a headlock, and then marched him back to the house, dragging Ayame along with them.

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Back at the house, there was every chance that a riot would break out. Ritsu couldn't stay still for any more than a few moments, and as soon as Hatori's back was turned the little monkey would be trying to break out again. Shigure was delighted, as always, to see Ayame. He saw it as an opportunity for mischief, but his nose was put severely out of joint when he realised Aya was more interested in fussing over Ritsu that him. Ayame, for his part, was so thankful to Ritsu for saving him that he barely noticed there was anyone else in the house. He clung to his smaller cousin like a limpet, which Ritsu barely noticed since he was trying so hard to climb out the window without Hatori noticing. Hatori desperately wanted to go outside for a smoke, but since the curfew was still in place he couldn't, and so he was twitching at least as much as Ritsu. Everyone else seemed to be handling things well, except for the occasional battles that broke out between Kyo and Yuki. But wouldn't it have been more worrying if they hadn't been fighting?

An hour later, Ritsu stopped trying to escape and settled for circling the room, shaking his hands in a distracted manner and babbling incoherently. Ayame sat on the sidelines, watching him and commenting on how cute he was when he was muttering like a loon. Shigure was well and truly sick of it, so he grabbed the book he had been leafing through earlier and called everyone into the dining room. He said he had figured out why Ritsu was acting so strangely, although his real motive was to discredit Ritsu's act of bravery in Ayame's eyes.

" Here's what I found earlier," he began, casting a sly look at Ritsu, " about 1,000 years ago, a mysterious platoon of beings invaded central Japan. They were described as exceptionally charming, so much so that the army, the ninja tribes and samurai squadrons lay down on the battlefield and let the creatures win. A diarist recorded that the only sounds coming from their mouths was the word 'Puchuu' over and over. It looked like the world was doomed, except before the Puchuu army could leave they were all attacked and killed by a monkey."

" They were killed by monkeys?" said Yuki incredulously.

" Not monkeys. A monkey. Just one."

" But how is that possible? How could a monkey succeed where tens of thousands of humans failed?" asked Kyo, the very notion of a monkey saving the human race being ludicrous to him.

" They did tests on both the enemy and on how they related to monkeys. Apparently, Puchuus are fairly weak. Just a hard tap on the head seems to be sufficient to kill them. They were found to have an intoxicating effect on humans which renders them unable to land a blow. Doesn't work when they're dead, though. As soon as they die, their faces change shape and they're rendered ineffective."

" What has this got to do with monkeys?" asked Hatsuharu, sounding bored.

" The effect Puchuus have on humans seem to have an equal and opposite effect on monkeys. Just the sound of a Puchuu nearby is enough to send them into a murderous rage. Demonstrate, Ha'ri!"

Begrudgingly, Hatori chirped in a high-pitched voice, expecting Ritsu to look up and be annoyed. Instead, Ritsu punched him in the eye! So now poor Hatori had a nicotine craving and a black eye. To Shigure's dismay, Ayame started laughing hysterically.

" Oh, that was brilliant! Do it again, Ha'ri!"

Kyo's eyes had a strange glimmer in them, and he was talking softly under his breath. Regardless of the concerns over second-hand smoke, Hatori lit up a cigarette and began talking as though he were diagnosing a patient.

" It seems that the presence of the Puchuus have brought Ritsu's animal instincts to the forefront of his brain, overriding his human thought patterns. That's why he's acting like this. But I believe it would be wise to keep him from transforming. God only knows what would happen."


	4. Chapter 4

**__**

Puchuu Punching

Chapter Four

People born in the year of the monkey are supposed to be inventive, right? Talk about artistic licence! You-know-who turns up in this chapter…

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Hatori hadn't even gotten home before the phone rang . He opened the front door, answered the phone, then promptly turned around to drive back to Shigure's house. The whole town was still on a blanket alert, but the coast was relatively clear. Residents were urged to leave their houses only if it was absolutely necessary. Hatori stopped along the way to buy more cigarettes.

He arrived at Shigure's to find everyone gathered together in the garden. There was a punch bag suspended from the porch and a collection of basketballs scattered about the lawn. Everyone but Shigure and Kyo were sitting on the porch sipping tea. Kyo was standing on the lawn, arms folded and a scowl marring his handsome face. Shigure was rolling about on the lawn, clutching his side and giggling like a madman. Hatori lit up a cigarette and scanned the area for Ritsu, who should still have been there. He spotted the crazy monkey and the edge of the garden, unconscious and sprawled out across the grass.

" What happened?" asked Hatori, sounding like he didn't really care.

" Ah (snort)…Ha'ri! (snicker)… there you are! You just missed it… (giggle)… it was so funny! Kyo actually tried to teach Ritsu martial arts!" Shigure burst into another bout of hysterical laughter.

Hatori raised a quizzical eyebrow. Kyo looked angry. Out of the corner of his eye, Hatori saw Ritsu's leg twitch.

" I don't understand it," muttered Kyo out loud, " he was so disciplined, so powerful yesterday. It was _inspiring! _What changed?"

Shigure managed to quell his laughter long enough to demonstrate what had gone wrong.

" It probably only works with a Puchuu around. Check this out, Ha'ri!"

Shigure picked up a red marker and a basketball, and drew a crude doodle of a Puchuu's face onto the surface of the ball. He then chucked the ball at Ritsu, who had just woken up and was rubbing his head in a confused manner. But just as the ball was about to bean the semi-concussed cross-dresser right on the noggin, Ritsu's fist popped up and punched it away. He didn't even had to look at it.

" That's it! Why didn't he do that a few minutes ago? With that kind of discipline, that instinct, he could be a martial arts champion!" Kyo practically screamed.

" Yeah, but watch this," Shigure said as he picked up a scribble-free ball and chucked it at Ritsu, who was just stumbling to his feet. This one he didn't dodge, it smacked him right in the back of the skull. Poor thing toppled over again, out cold. Shigure exploded into another bout of hysterical laughter.

" Isn't that cool?" he gasped between bursts of mirth, " I've been doing that all morning!"

Hatori just put out his old cigarette and lit up a new one.

" So what did you call me for?" he sighed while letting out a puff of smoke.

" Well, that's about the fifth time I've done that. I think he might have a concussion," said Shigure casually.

" Ooh, look! He's got a nosebleed!" cooed Ayame from the porch. " Isn't that adorable?"

Shigure scowled and hurled another basketball at Ritsu, who was just coming to. Hatori inhaled his toxic smoke deeply and left.

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Halfway through his twelfth cigarette, Hatori arrived home. He opened the door and actually managed to make it into the kitchen before the phone rang. He didn't even bother to answer it, just lit up another cancer stick and walked out the door.

This time, when he arrived at Shigure's, almost everyone was inside. Ayame and Ritsu were nowhere to be seen. The kitchen and living room were both strangely empty, all the pots and pans and cutlery were missing. Hatori found the group, minus the two borderline transvestites, in the dining room, sitting around the table. He took a seat and asked the dreaded question.

" So what did you call me for this time?"

Shigure stood and opened the door to the garden. He looked uncharacteristically grim.

" This has to be seen to be believed."

Ritsu appeared at the side of the house, clutching a pneumatic drill so large and unwieldy he could barely see over the top of it. He was whistling a merry little tune as he bustled about, apparently absorbed it what he was doing. In the centre of the garden was a large, unidentifiable piece of machinery, which was evidently what Ritsu was working on. When Hatori got up close, he could see it was built up of pounded steel, (solving the mystery of the missing pots and pans) miscellaneous engine parts and ambiguous pyrotechnics. Hatori watched, bemused, as Ritsu climbed on top of the strange contraption and fired up the drill. It was a surreal sight, anyone walking by would have seen a petite young woman in a conservative kimono and workman's goggles struggling with an advanced power tool.

" Isn't that cute? I don't know what it is, but it's so much fun to watch!" trilled Ayame, who was sitting on the porch staring at Ritsu with adoration in his eyes. Shigure looked furious.

" Looks like a big old bundle of crap to me," he muttered nastily. Hatori put out his cigarette and approached the apparatus.

" Ritsu!" he yelled, but his voice was drowned out by the drill.

" Ritsu!" he yelled again, hoping he wouldn't have to yell a third time. The day's smoking was starting to catch up with him. Luckily, the force of the drill knocked Ritsu off the top of the machine, and he landed with a muffled 'oof' at the doctor's feet. Hatori helped him up, and gestured towards the machine.

" So what is this thing, Ritsu?" he asked, dreading the answer.

" Oh, this?" the little monkey piped up casually. " It's a rocket launcher."

Hatori had to light up his last cigarette. This was all to much for him. Feeling the nicotine stabilise his nerves, he asked his second question.

" And why did you build a rocket launcher?"

Ritsu removed his workman's goggles and pointed to a blank space of bright blue sky.

" There's a Puchuu warship on its way to Earth right now."

Hatori craned his neck to see what Ritsu was pointing at, but all he could see was azure sky. He cast an incredulous look at his industrious cousin, who had picked up a hammer and was pounding the side of the machine.

" You can actually see it from here?" His monkey senses were good, but surely they couldn't be _that _good… could they?

" Not see… hear," said Ritsu, pounding the machine harder for emphasis. " I can hear them coming closer. All day, all I hear is 'Puchuu, puchuu, puchuu!' Why can't they just _SHUT THE HELL UP?_ Well, I'll sort them out when this is finished… that'll show the little bastards!"

He started laughing softly to himself then, so Hatori decided it would be smart to move away.

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As the sun began to set, Ritsu's alleged rocket launcher began to take shape. Everyone moved out to the porch again to see what would happen. There was no sign of the Puchuu warship, but Ritsu was adamant that it was up there. Momiji and Tohru looked excited, Hatsuharu looked bored, Hatori looked worn out, Yuki looked indifferent, Kyo looked pissed of, Ayame looked infatuated and Shigure looked pissed off because Ayame was infatuated with someone other than himself. The scene was set for something big.

The sun went down, but no warship materialised. Ritsu didn't seem all that bothered. He'd gone into the house to put away the power tools, and as the night went on he stood beside his machine, staring at the sky. He was wearing a pair of sunglasses and chewing on a toothpick like some shouty, sweary army drill sergeant. The group on the porch was just about to leave, when Ritsu went to the front of the machine.

They watched as he fiddled with the levers (which were all ballpoint pens filched from Shigure's office) and typed some numbers into the control panel (an ancient Sega Megadrive left over from Shigure's schooldays.) He waited a few moments, and then…

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KABOOM!!!

A massive missile ( which had been a broken rice cooker, some empty beer cans and baking soda with a dash of lemon juice) flew high into the sky until it disappeared into the blue-and-white unknown. A minute passed, and then an explosion lit up the sky as though someone had thrown cans of red and yellow paint into the sky.

Ritsu smiled faintly as he heard a slight whistling noise. Soon, Puchuu heads and guts rained down on the house and garden. Shigure gaped, horrified.

" My house… my beautiful house…"

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Thousands of light years away, the Puchuu Queen watched her warship explode. She scowled as she regarded her enemy, a young lady in a kimono and sunglasses who had decimated her troops.

" Puchuu, puch puch puchuu puchuu." ( I will have my revenge, mark my words.)

Tied to chairs directly behind her were her previous opponents. The man in the butler's uniform with the luminous green and yellow hair looked roughed up, but the man in the badly fitting seventies style suit with the poofy afro still had a spark of murderous rage in his squinty little eyes.

It was clear, when they got to Earth, there would be hell to pay.


End file.
